[15/30] God doesn’t need me to be extroverted like someone else.

I am an INFJ, a rare personality type, making up only 1% of the world. I wish it was a rarity due to inherent charm or appeal, unfortunately, the results are less flattering. Without boring you with the spicy details, INFJ means that I am a freak of nature that does not play well with others. Grrr.

I’m exaggerating, but you get the point.

Some people call this “solitary”—like when people call Jesus a good person—and that would be a generous exaggeration. The truth is, I put the “tude” in solitude. And as if I weren’t withdrawn enough, I married an introvert: Brianna. While we are different types of “introvert,” we both still find tremendous energy in seclusion. You should see us after a week of being around people nonstop: I’m like Grizzly that’s been deprived of… whatever it is that Grizzlies do. We have found that space is needed in order to re-enter the rhythm of our lives fully energized. A lot of people mistake this for being anti-social, shy, or just plain self-absorbed, but this could not be farther from the truth–I love people. Why would I be a pastor if I hated others? It’s because I love people that I must recharge with the appropriate amount of solitude so that when I am around others I can give them the fullness of my attention. If I don’t immediately talk to you in conversation, it’s probably more due to my deep-thinking tendencies, and desire to give a thoughtful answer than it is to any aloofness (although, I can be aloof more than I desire). This is how introverts often operate.

They process things by verbalizing them (not by dwelling on them), and they get most of their energy by being around people often.

But I am writing this article because extroverted behavior seems to be the normative standard set in place for a growing Christian. Yet over half of the church is made up of introverts–thoughtful, meditative, deep-thinking, people who are generally reserved, with an aversion to speaking in crowds. (Of course, few of them know each other exists because they DON’T TALK!) In addition, we have created worship practices that are extroverted by nature (talk to them, do this, say that, get to know one another, lift your hands, sing loud, express yourself, be more passionate, etc), which has probably caused those of you who are more reserved to feel shame. We have been told that we are supposed to adopt a certain personality that is more conducive to godliness, and that’s a lie. As a fellow introvert, I want to apologize for this, and assure you that you are wired correctly, having been made in the image of God, and you don’t need to change.