Since I’ve started working at Reality Carpinteria two years ago, I’ve been introduced to the peculiar vernacular of the language used among the staff. I’ve tried to systematize them for clarity. (And just in case one of us is talking to you, and you have no idea what we’re talking about).

Definitions are in (parentheses).

1. stupid (this is slang for “incredible”)
2. just sayin’ (If you want to bring something up that isn’t really important, but you want to be heard, just tack this on at the end of whatever you just said and it makes it ok)
3. God wills it! (Made famous during Pope Urban II crusades, this term [Deus vult!] was used enthusiastically whenever the crowds wanted to do something hasty. We picked it up while watching Kingdom of Heaven in a hotel in Jerusalem)
4. greatest thing ever (This means something is good)
5. never been done before (This was said repeatedly by the ringmaster of Circus Vargas when we took the High school youth group there. It means you just did something amazing)
6. unknowable (This means you did something MORE amazing than before)
7. undone (Taken from the book of Isaiah, this means something has happened that is so mindblowing that you want to start ripping your sackloth)
8. rizz do (If you ever want youth pastor Ryan “Rizz” to do something that you would never concieve of doing, just yell this at him. He can’t resist it.)
9. proclivity (Britt has the proclivity to say this when he talks about sin)
10. skidoosh (Taken from Kung Fu Panda. You say this as you do something physically crazy. S.F. pastor, Dave Lomas used to say this whenever he hit me in the back of the head.)
11. three nails (Pastor G always says this whenever I complain about doing something small.)
12. must needs (Taken from the KJV version of John 4:4…”And he must needs go through Samaria.” You say this to someone when you REALLY want something.)
13. the Lord has need of it (Jesus told the disciples to say this when they took the colt. Pastor G says this to me when he takes my lunch.)
14. I love (This is Rizz language. It’s missing a predicate.)
15. let’s cross that bridge when we get to it (You say this whenever you want to politely, but abruptly end a conversation.)
16. all things (This means you like or want everything that someone just said.)
17. menso (I don’t know what this means, but I get called it a lot.)
18. sub-committee (Whenever we get on a tangent, we say this to mean we will talk about the tangent later, so that we can address the more important issues at hand, like whose going to refill the coffee.)
19. side-bar (“Sub-committee” evolved into this later on because it was too long to say)
20. really? (If you think someone was just being ridiculous, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but merely expose the outlandish suggestion, ask this)
21. capeesh? (“ok??”)
22. riiiight? (If you have an outlandish suggestion that no one will agree with, you can ask this in hopes of getting them to see your side)
23. you idiot (See #17)
24. daaaang! (“Wow!”)
25. blog it! (If someone says something remarkable, this phrase usually follows.)
26. By all means (Do whatever it takes! Sometimes used in conjunction with #3 and #13)
27. Nobody hates, everybody loves (We are slowly beginning to lose the use of our pronouns. A wooden, literal, “NASB” translation of this phrase would be: “Everyone is unanimous!”)
28. Sniff it out (Check it out, and use discernment)
29. Hundo (“one hundred”)
30. Deathwads (This means I/we/you are in shambles)
31. Shambles (“in trouble”)
32. cappuccino prayer tour (This is a slightly sarcastic term denoting a missions trip that is more of a vacation than a mission)